Yongtalong: 40 Bizarre Toys From Companies Who Should Have Focused on Fast Food and Cereal - Cracked.com

Monday, January 22, 2024

40 Bizarre Toys From Companies Who Should Have Focused on Fast Food and Cereal - Cracked.com

These cocky fast food and cereal execs thought they had the Midas touch. They strolled into that boardroom meeting thinking that since they’ve made millions in the fast-food and cereal games, they could whip some hunks of plastic into shapes and please the people yet again. Well, it looks like fast food, cereal and humble pie were all on the menu that day, ‘cus these toys were just plain weird.

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1909 Funny Jungleland Moving Pictures Kellogg's FUNNY JUNGLELAND MOVING PICTURES GRACKED.COM This was technically a mail-in offer - they'd mail you the book with two proofs of purchase or a single dime -- but it was the first cereal box prize, and it kicked off an enduring tradition. — Source

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1955 US Navy Frogmen FLAKES FLAKES THE They to feet believ ert exepere OVER under Water as man NAVY FROGMAN FREE FREE Dives FROGMAN السود and IN THIS PACKAGE! IN THIS PACKAGE Swimal SAUDI SAO ESEE BACK con of These threet - ea - - CRACKED.COM Sau directions 20 side These were little cartesian divers that ran on high pressure propellant (AKA baking powder). This was back when you could straight-up lie about toys: WHAM... they dive into action to carry on underwater demolition duties. — Source

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1984 Knockoff Transformers Provides FREE INSIDE Kellogg's 8 essential vitamins HONEY &iron STARBOT SMACKS COLLECT Have electrol robot No - asyou change each the trying Decorate than with and build comp ONEYSWELTENED one conver ting rob specialty Kenogo HONEY EESS OF WHEAT SMACKIN' GOOD! GRACKED.COM Kellogg's stepped to the motherfrickin' Transformers franchise with their Starbots. They didn't even turn into characters, just... other vehicles: Have plenty of fun on land and in the air as you change each Starbot from a sleek flying aircraft to a land-roving robot. — Source

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Balloon-powered vehicles Mini-Skateboard FORTIFIED WITH FREE 8 ESSENTIAL VITAMINS b MON INSIDE! COOKIE® Race them, trade them Available in 4 different colors and 6 different Crisp FREE designs! ACTURN the Collect all sixt - GRACKED.COM Okay, so they weren't actually rideable. But the names alone make them worth the price of admission: you could collect Cookie Jarvis Skateboards, Freakies Speed Boats, and Sir Grapefellow's Air Car. — Source

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1974 An elaborate rock-yoinking device NEW Post YABBA DABBA DOO! NATURAL ORANGE Larger FLINTSTONE LEMON - TANGLINIZ FLAVORS Size - ONE RICE COMEN FRUITY PLASTIC ROCK GRABBER PEBBLES INSIDE THIS BOX! ACTUAL GCT Extends a tutt BYS inches CRACKED.COM Fruity Pebbles missed a golden opportunity to call this thing a Yabba Dabba Grabba. — Source

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1958 SPOONMAN 7% on NET WT SPOON SIZE FREE INSIDE! SHREDDED WHEAT A PLASTIC NABISCO JUNIORS SPOONMAN from OUTER SPACE MICH THE MADOMMEN' EIRES ON YOUR SPOON AS TOU SAT ancar GRACKED COM COLLECT ALL 21 These little aliens perched on your spoon and stared directly into your eyes as you shoveled Shredded Wheat Juniors into your maw. — Source

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60'S - 80'S Playable records NYO Boo Berry the TO PLAY! The Frankenberry HOLE Count Chocula Monsters 33% RPM FULL Go Disco CENTER FIDELITY our INSTRUCTIONS t.SUGAR BADDY L.Pare phonograph - Democrating 103% BMW 2.GOIN BACK TO receipt - BY ISSUE before sech - INDIANA A Part - - - - Lane HOT CRACKED COM PUNCH LASHOS LOVING YOU They actually managed to print music onto the glossy back of a cardboard cereal box, which you could cut out and spin on a record player. And they sounded very much like they were printed on cardboard. — Source

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McDonald's keeps giving out oral hygiene products MAXIMUM FLUORIDE PROTECTION BY A TOOTHPASTE NEW Colgate Winter- fresh NET WT. 1.4 OZ. MFP FL UORIDE GEL Gel HTR DOD AVGDO. 15 SAVE 15° hnice REACH YOUTH 24 KOREA S IL TOOTHBRUSH In CRACKED.COM They gave out toothpaste and toothbrushes in Happy Meals across the US in 1982. A decade later, they brought the despicable practice to Australia. In 2014, kids got free tooth swag just for showing up to any Wisconsin location. — Source

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Burger King's sex toys Only on valentines Only from 6 PM KING BURGER Adults Meal - 18+ B+ CRACKED.COM For a few brief, sensual hours in 2017, ВК locations in Israel offered Adult Meals, which came with the mildest sex toys known to man. — Source

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CRACKED MCDONALD'S VR HEADSETS. Promoting it as a VR headset, McDonald's in Sweden had kids re-fold their Happy Meal box, put an iPhone inside of it, and view it with the kit's plastic lenses. — Source

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CRACKED MCDONALD'S MP3 PLAYERS. CRAZY FROS GHLANDO - Month No. McDonald's got in on the MP3 craze of the early 2000s with MP3 players in Happy Meals. It was basically cheap plastic shells that played one low quality popular song from Britney Spears and others. — Source

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CRACKED BURGER KING'S DEADLY POKEBALLS. BIG KiDS DIC M Charltard To promote 1999's Pokemon: The First Movie, every kids' meal came with a Pokemon figurine in its own Pokeball. The detachable pieces formed airtight seals around children's noses and mouths, and actually killed two small children. — Source

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CRACKED MCDONALD'S PEDOMETERS. STEP-iT STEP-IT STEP-iT STEP-iT STEP-iT STEP-iT These Step It pedometers found in Happy Meals were a feeble attempt to prove McDonald's cares about health. Maybe they just needed proof that kids don't care about their step or calorie count. — Source

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Terrariums Post MARSHMALLOW ALPHA- BITS Date CRACKED.COM I know my love of gardening started in a box of Alpha-bits. Okay... That was a lie, but Alpha-bits cereal enticing kids to grow your own garden with one of three terrariums-Sweet Basil, Garden Cress, or Violet Queen Alyssum-back in 1980 was very odd but so very real. — Source

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1 Inch Of Land In The Yukon FREE GOLD RUSH LAND Get Real Deed to 1 sq. inch of Land in Yukon Gold Rush Country! It's Free! Mail order blank below with just bestop FACTS ABOUT Deed makes you owner from ANY ... of these delicious Quaker beenkfast cervale of lonid'right here YOUR YUKON LAND OF Pack-O-Ten's your favorite, and Quaker Guarantee Seal instead of bostop) The - MY - Semova Kimoke Kind Country Tukos - Cereta Her direct - One Rush - stimale savage with - I Sweeting - There Puffed Mark Muffets - - 19 RICE adidas ... - — Source

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Atomic Submarines FREE AtomicSub MODEL CRACKED.COM Plutonium not included. In the early 60s, Kellogg's cereals offered small plastic submarines that, when fueled by baking powder, would actually submerge themselves and race around the bathtub. — Source

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Digital Watches Honey- COMB CEREAL GRACKED.COM You didn't have to send away for these... They were right there in the box. Honeycomb cereal had as many as 8 styles of digital watches that also displayed the date, which isn't thrilling by today's standards, but in 1988 it was pretty exciting. — Source

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Ghost Detector APPLE JACKS CRACKED.COM Apple Jacks went dark with this one. In 1989, you knew that if this Ghost Detector you found in a cereal box moved around in your hand, there was definitely a ghost in your room! — Source

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Eat your friends at MCDONALDS Fisher-Price Little People - M D'S RESTAURANT . PLAYSET McDonald's McDonald's frio CRACKED.COM The playset features both an anthropomorphic hamburger pal and a play restaurant where you can order and eat... hamburgers. Hopefully, the burgers you buy inside don't have huge googly eyes. — Source

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Would it kill you to avoid THE NOID N CRACKED.COM Are we that desperate for nostalgia that we're paying good Funko Pop money for third-tier, last-century pizza mascots? We don't need to memorialize every bit of pop culture ephemera - that's what Family Guy is for. — Source

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Knock-off Legos make for cool fun at BASKIN ROBBINS baskiN BR robbins 872634 baski, BR robbins - BR baskin - BR as TUAL baskin Tobaking CRACKED.COM This made-in-Korea beauty is 100% Official, Genuine Product. Featuring the famous Baskin Robbins truck (wut?) and 50-ish fully compatible building bricks, it's a bargain at only $129.99. — Source

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Cows say kill the chickens at CHICK-FIL-A SMALL FRY EAT MOR CHININ CRACKED.COM Dress your toddler in waffle-fry gear, then give him the cow toy that says Dear god, don't kill me. Take the fowl. I'm begging you, please eat another living creature that is not me. — Source

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Stick your hand in the fry bin at KFC PEPSI CRACKED.COM Now you can earn play-mininum- wage for serving up fake chicken legs. Complete with oodles of imitation KFC food, numerous spoken words, and frying sound, but only when you press your palm on the faux-grill. — Source

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Magic 8 Balls adidas 10 Post 10 = - - essental vitamins and minerals Produt Information Super GENERAL FOODS ASK THE ONE DE CENTER - - AT - - - . MYSTERY sugar BALL Crisp ? - Sweetened Wheat Puffs NO Shake the bel and look through the magnifying glass on the bottom for YOUR answert WILL OL TEAM WILL LGEY из THE AND MY and ? . ONE PLASTIC - MYSTERY Super PLASTIC RALL COMES WITH PAPER AMERICA CRACKED.COM BALL Okay, copyright issues made them call it a Mystery Ball, but Super Sugar Crisp's tiny version of the Magic — Source

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Microscopes BOOK GRACKED.COM Inspiring little scientists everywhere. In the 50s, Wheaties offered a 2-inch microscope with an adjustable focusing lens that magnified objects 6 times their normal size, and finally made me realize that they really don't make 'em like they used to. — Source

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Monster Mitts POST HONEY COMB ONE INSIDE THIS BOX PLASTIC MONSTER AND KAL with MITT una - CRACKED.COM Year-round Halloween! In 1974, Honecomb offered plastic gloves with ghoulish designs like blue veins and eyeballs, red veins and spiders, a scaly sea monster, and one that looked like your skin was unzipping to expose your bones. — Source

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Pink Panther 5in 1 Spy Kit INSIDE THIS BOX ONE PINKPANTHER 5-1SPY KIT MADE OF STURDY PLASTIC SECRET MESSAGE ACTUAL SIZE SLOT 5% INCHES SECRET SIGNAL WHISTLE SECRET TELESCOPE CRACKED.COM Anyone remember Pink Panther Flakes? In 1973, the short-lived Pink Panther Flakes offered an all-purpose spy kit with a secret whistle, magnifying glass, telescope, and a message slot all hiding in what looked like a harmless Pink Panther figurine. — Source

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Spring-Propelled Rockets FREE FREE! INSIDE High-flying High flying TWO STAGE INSIDE! TWO STAGE Rocket ROCKET des back Count down... press the launcher IT and off a soons separating in.aid - package Comes uned of blue Made of identity plastic Actual length PC SUGAR SWEET HOW TO ASSEMBLE AND OPERATE WHEAT Place . Seperate process Lock postim booder i Song - - - (with book does Twistapring - L when ready HONEYS Person 1 Stide Seomething MA - GRACKED .COM 3... 2... 1... Lift off! In the late 50s and early 60s, Wheat Honeys & Rice Honeys were popular Nabisco cereals that offered a high-flying — Source

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Star Wars Droid Viewers reveal an IMAGE From TAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS EACH WITH oroid viewer STAR STAR WARS ARS a 6 orold viewers TO collect STAR WARS CRACKED.COM You could see an image from the movie before it premiered! In 2015, Cinnamon Toast Crunch got us all pumped for The Force Awakens with С-ЗРО, R2-D2 and BB-8 Droid Viewers that revealed a never-before seen frame from the movie. — Source

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Steve Urkel For President Campaign Buttons Urkelos Urkelos Ralston SWEETENED SEREAL NEW! - URKEL FOR PRESIDENT FREE CAMPAIGN INSIDE HOLLAS WASHINGTON WIN von b TRIP - . D.C.I TO NET WT mg oz gmy HOTEL CRACKED.COM Not enough 90s nostalgia out there for ya? Love him or barely tolerate him, Steve Urkel had his own cereal in 1991, and Urkel-Os promoted itself with some nifty campaign buttons and a sweepstakes for a trip to Washington D.C. — Source

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Poppin'Ships CRACKED.COM Real life Battleship, anyone? In the 1960's Cap'n Crunch offered 3 handheld galleon ships with a little button that, if hit with a flicked marble, would explode into pieces. — Source

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Kid noses run on DUNKIN' DUNKIN' DONUTS NO DONUTS DUNKIN' DUNKIN' DONUTS MILK CRACKED.COM de MAKE THE DONUTS - There's nothing that crazy about plastic versions of your favorite foods. It's the built-in donut smell that makes these beauties special, guaranteed to make your dog chew them to bits. — Source

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Mommy, there's a creature in my DAIRY QUEEN End CCM Series f DQ COLLECT I Them ALL! e فعد 1200 BLIZZARD - so WARNING: NAME Seal - - Sympo CRACKED.COM Like most people, we've imagined what might be living inside our Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzards. Turns out it's a green-skinned demon with detachable ponytails. Collect 'em all! — Source

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This playset is almost as tasty as the real SUBWAY SUBWAY CRACKED.COM Slapping rubbery slices of faux meat and almost-cheese onto hard slabs of bread isn't that far off from actually working at Subway. Congratulations, son - - you're a Sandwich Artist™! — Source

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So many tie-ins for Ninja Turtles and PIZZA HUT Cowabunga! - Get our radical debut audio cassette, official Concert Tour Guide and autographed poster for - . TEEMAGE MUTANT MIKAI $399 TURTLES PIZZA TOSSIN RAPM with any excellent pizza purchase. A 11200 retail value. - - Real - Pizza - Hut. Makin' in great! - Audio cassettes. VHS concert movies. Mutagen Ranch dressing. PICAL PIZZA Offer CRACKED.COM But don't tell the Hut -- there's a Pizza Tossin' Raph action figure that spews Dominos pies. — Source

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More ways for Barbie to lose teeth at TIM HORTONS Tim Tim Hortos Hortons GRACKED.COM If a Honey Cruller doesn't rot the molars out of Babie's jaw, how about a puck delivered at 90 miles-per-hour straight to her chompers? Currently only available at Toys R Us Canada, where they still have Toys R Us. — Source

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Speak ad slogans, boy! Say yo quiero TACO BELL CRACKED.COM This version of the Yo Quiero chihuahua toy portrayed him as a revolutionary, complete with Che Guevara beret, leading to newspaper headlines like Latino Leader Calls For Taco Bell Boycott. Viva Gorditas! — Source

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16-bit Ronald makes the world safe for MCDONALDS SEGA McDonalds Treasure Treasure Land Adventure E GENESIS McDonald's GENESIS I Adventing GENESIS SEGA FO GA SEGA THE GENESIS SEGA SEGA - SELLA CRACKED.COM From the folks who brought you Sonic, Treasure Land Adventures gets surprisingly good reviews. Ronald beats up anthropomorphic food to gather pieces of a treasure map, which ultimately sends the clown back to McDonaldland for a heapin' helping of cholesterol. — Source

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